Self Love.
Why Self-Love is Important and Three Practices to Help.
Did you ever learn?
I never knew how to love myself. I grew up in a family where love was all around…
“I love you” was the natural thing to say when you got of the phone… It was so natural, it wasn’t uncommon for a stranger to hear “Bye, love you” when I would end phone convos without too much intentional thought.
If the word “love” is abundant, then why isn’t self-love natural to me? Because I wasn’t taught that it was something available on the inside. I was taught happiness was available. I was taught strength was available. But I grew up thinking self-love was selfish.
Read on to learn why everyone needs self-sourced love and get three practices to implement.
Defining Love
Until my personal development journey, I never thought of what love “was” or even the definition of love.
In my youth, I though love was something offered by family and close friends. In high school and early college days, I assumed love was something my boyfriend could give me… But the “self sourced” love? That’s madness. I didn’t even really like myself then.
Websters Dictionary defines love in a slew of ways. Two that stand out are.
Love (n.): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
or
Love (n.): Warm attachment, devotion or enthusiasm.
Relying on Others to Feel The Way I Want to Feel
The problem with not being taught love can be self sourced, I was reliant on others to feel a certain way.
I had a perform with my family for their love (even though they would have given it freely)….
I had to be in a relationship to feel the devotion of a romantic kind of love (because truthfully I don’t even know if I really even liked myself).
But what happens when you’re alone? Can you give yourself the love you crave?
So, academic definitions aside, how do I define love? How does it feel on a personal level? Can you feel love without praise or the touch of someone else?
Unprogramming
I started playing around with the concept and immediately felt selfish… Who am I to be this narcissistic? Heck, even in the dictionary, self-love is synonymous with narcism and conceited.
As a society, we are taught that loving ourselves makes us egotistical and therefore, unlikeable. That the idea of knowing our greatness makes us a inflated asshole who no-one would love.
But society’s rules truthfully suck! They don’t teach healthy understanding of worth or value. We aren’t taught to value our own happiness and enthusiasm for our own lives.
We are taught to watch TV and compare… We are taught to fall in line and behave. We are zombies to the scroll. And in the trap of fitting in and conforming, we might wake up one in a life we hate.
Ending the Cycle
It wasn’t until my yoga practice, I even considered why I liked myself aside from everyone else telling me I was likable.
My mat was the first time I even paused enough to feel sensations in my body for longer that a moment.
My movement/asana practice was the first time I even heard “do what feels good in your body” (because up until that point bootcamps were my jam where I was taught to push through the pain.)
And one breath at a time, I came to appreciate my body and the life I was living.
Not Selfish, Necessary
“Often we are reluctant to promote self-love mostly because we confuse it with selfishness. Since we are humans, we ought to have a healthy love for ourselves; it is from this fount that love flows out to others.”
The truth about self-love slapped me in the face…
1.) I can’t give what I do not have.
So if I have no love for myself, how do I give love to others….
2.) I can’t expect others to love me if I don’t even know what I love about myself.
I started saying ‘no’ more. I started drinking less. I also started realizing how awesome it is to create my own life.
It’s not a natural practice, but I know when I care for myself, I make better choices and love others better.
Beginning a Practice of Self Love
I invite you to begin a practice of self-love. I want you to remember why you are special and great.
My three favorite self-love practices:
1.) Sit quietly and take a few deep breaths.
Begin to journal why you grateful for yourself!
Try to journal for 5-10 minutes straight without letting up!
2.) Sit quietly and breathe into your heart space.
every breath in, see your heart space light up.
every breath out, see your expand out around you
Eventually see your hearts energy surrounding you
Sit quietly with that feeling for as long as you like
Maybe journal a few take aways after you’ve completed the meditation
3.) Morning Practice
When you wake up, ask yourself, how do I most want to feel today?
Write down 3-5 emotions that your soul is craving
Next to those emotions, write down one small thing you could do today to make it
If you want to continue on this practice I invite you to download the FREE Self-Love Journal HERE, packed full of 10 journaling questions that help you remember why you love yourself!